I sometimes wonder…
Do you ever just sit and think about life? Ponder on what is and what is to be? I sometimes sit and wonder if he thinks about me too, if I’m following the right path in life, if I’m meant to be the way I am.
If i were to just simply disappear off the face of the earth if anyone would notice… Do I impact people in their lives? Do i make a difference?
I wish i had super powers so that I can read peoples’ minds just to know what they think of me. Many people always say that they live life not caring about what other people think of them and just live life vicariously, that however is complete bull-shit. Everybody cares about what anybody says about them, some things said are not taken as easily to heart as others but its still taken in.
When I was a child I was teased and taunted daily and I would be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me. I was not one of those kids who cried everyday because the local bully stole my lunch money, no, I was the little girl who was teased for being overweight. Throughout primary school and through high school. Now that I’m in my last year of high school and getting ready to go the University Ive realized that all those kids who teased and mocked me, were only doing that to hide what bothered them about themselves.
When you just start high school it’s obviously terrifying and extremely intimidating not to mention the humiliating initiation, so we are all new to this new environment.
I wonder if everyone felt as out of place as i did…
There was a girl in my grade who everyone liked, a very popular girl, but only made popular because her parents would allow her to do almost anything she wanted, pierce whatever part of her body get a tattoo any place she wanted, any teenagers dream parents. And for some reason this girl decided to pick on me, little chubby Liam. Being a very shy person at age 13 i was not one for fighting. The year 2008 was the year of MXit, if you were not on MXit you were out of the ‘crew’, most fights were now becming part of the cyber nation. Whoever came up with the saying
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me
was obviously not a teenage girl in the 21st century. Words hurt more than a broken bone ever would. Words last a lifetime where as a broken bone or scraped knee will heal after time. You ever wonder how celebrities feel when they get fan mail, or hate mail as a matter of fact? I somehow feel as if i know how they feel. In eighth grade i received hate mail via MXit from almost every black girl in tenth grade because i was dating one of their friends.
A big no no.
I wonder what was going through their minds? Did they think i was some mini whore, going for guys older than me? I’ve always believed that a girl should date someone at least two years older than her as guys your own age are very immature. Although my mom always says ” might as well take them young now, they never mature anyway” , I guess she might just be saying that because my dad is three years younger than her.
My thoughts are very scattered at the moment, too much to say and not sure how to get everything out. So over the next few days i will be blogging my heart out, every little gruesome detail of my life on the internet for whoever wants to see.
Blessed Be
